“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien
So who exactly is “That Guy?” Can any of us ever recover from being him/her and what can we do, if anything, to avoid becoming “That Guy” in the first place? Luckily, if you are reading this post, chances are, you’re not “That Guy”. The fact of the matter is, “That Guy” has never spent an introspective moment or a single minute of self examination in his life, and that is a big part of the problem.
But, I digress, we still haven’t gotten into the nuts and bolts of what makes someone “That Guy”. I’m going to post a list of things below, but these are in no way a definitive guide. In fact, I am sure I’m going to miss a number of identifiers of “That Guy”, and I full heartedly encourage you to add your own characteristics to the comments below.
If you walk into your prospective gym and ask for some sort of special deal, or deviate from the payment plans given to you by the staff or instructor, website, etc. Congratulations! You my friend, ARE “That Guy”.
I’m sorry, but if you’ve chosen a particular gym, you’ve done so for a reason. You’ve done the research, you obviously value the services they provide, don’t haggle on price or payment scheme. Yeah, you’ve got this special circumstance, or you think that you’ve got it harder than the next guy. I’ve got news for you bro. That instructor has bills to pay just like you. They live in the same world that you do, they have the same number of hours in their day, they have kids to feed and spouses to appease just like you do. Asking to deviate from what all the other students of that school are asked to do is disrespectful. It makes you look bad, it makes the instructor feel slighted, it makes you look like someone who thinks that they are more important than all the other students that pay their due respects and do so without making a big deal about it.
If you can’t pony up and do so in good spirits, then don’t ask for admittance to the show. Get a job, save some dough and do it the right way. I remember asking my instructor how much he charged for privates. He told me that a block of 10 privates would cost $750.00. I was fresh out of college. I picked up job as an adjunct faculty member at the Salt Lake City Community College teaching a course of Small Business Web Design. My first paycheck was for $750.00. I cashed it immediately and went back to set up my lessons. My wife and I ate Ramen for months because of it, and my worst case of cauliflower ear didn’t come close to the pain I felt after the tongue lashing she gave me. But the fact remains. To this day, I have never haggled over the price for a seminar, a camp, a lesson, or school tuition. You gotta pay to play if you don’t want to be “That Guy”.
If you only train when you’ve got a competition coming up, chances are, you’re “That Guy”.
Don’t force your instructors into a corner, making them work on bandaid fixes instead of developing sound fundamentals. If you’re training with professionals, they have a curriculum and it’s there for a reason. Kiser and I like to say, if you’re at our gym and it’s because you’ve watched the success of our team, it’s because they followed our pathway to success. It’s like going to KFC and asking to be taught how to rock a piece of fried chicken. But once the instruction begins, you start adding your own quantities, and messing with the cook times, ingredients etc. You’re free to do so, but don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re learning Colonel Sander’s Secret Recipe. What you’ve done is concoct a perfect recipe for becoming “That Guy.”
Competition training, is not learning time. It’s time to refine and hone the skills you have to a mirror finish. But what skills do you have, when all you do is train when a match is coming up? What can you refine if you haven’t been to class on a regular basis to develop a foundation in the first place? Consistency is key. Show up and train regularly and you will be on your way towards not being “That Guy”.
If you consider yourself a Fighter rather than a Student. You are “That Guy”
You should strive to be a Student first, then a Fighter. Otherwise, you’re just a street thug. Your fighting should grow out of your learned skills and abilities as a consistent student of the Arts. Any fool can fight. It doesn’t take anything special. Some might argue that it takes balls. Maybe, but I’d argue right back that it takes balls only after you’ve learned the trade and understand what’s really at stake. Otherwise I’d say it just takes someone ignorant enough to not realize the difference between getting into a ring/cage and just seeing what will happen, and pitting your earned skill against a competent and well matched opponent.
Kiser and I tried to touch on these things in our “Shit Fighters Say” video. It was our light hearted attempt and educating more people on how annoying it can be to be around “That Guy”. Our hope was that it would educate just a few aspiring fighters out there of what they might look like and sound like if they became the person with that label.
If you hop from gym to gym, you guessed it. You are “That Guy”.
This is again, a manifestation of the “ME” mentality. How do you expect to get the support of your instructor and your team mates when you show such a complete lack of respect, loyalty and honor. You wouldn’t join the Navy Seals and then say “Hey man, yeah, I can’t hang out this weekend. I’m doing some run and gun with the Taliban. You know how it is. You guys got your night vision thing going on, but man, they really know how to set those IED’s yo!”. You wouldn’t earn a spot as a walk on at the Red Sox and then go to batting practice with the Yankees. I’m telling you. The world of MMA is no different.
If you try to short cut your way to respect with gifts and or tokens, by trying to rep your gym with competing or trying to be a super star you’re probably going to end up being “That Guy”.
Respect is earned, usually over time. There’s no way to cram 10 years of loyalty, of hard work, of dedication, and service into some item you’ve purchased, or a match or two. Just train. Do your best. Find ways to help out your fellow team mates, or around the gym. Be there for the long haul. I can’t think of many ways that garner more respect than that. The world is full of guys looking for a quick fix. People who want something for nothing. Be the guy/gal who’s prepared to be part of the lifestyle, the long haul, a lifer.
So why are we telling you all of this? Is it because we are Holier than Thou? Is it because we know all there is to know about MMA and MMA Culture? I’m going to part with a dirty little secret. I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but I was “That Guy”. Perhaps not as bad as some of the examples I’ve listed above, but who knows? You’d have to ask my instructor for the real skinny. Maybe I was worse. Maybe I still am “That Guy”. I’d like to hope not, and I do, earnestly try to be a better person, and a better Martial Artist every day.
We’ve posted this for you guys out there looking to make a splash, excited and eager to get started in MMA and wanting to make a good impression on your Instructor and gym mates. I am reminded of something I was taught by Ajarn Surachai Sirisute.
Once, at a seminar, a newer student forgot to present the Wai and pay respects before he began shadow boxing. Ajarn stopped the class and made the student do 50 push ups in front of everyone. Then after, he asked the student “Sir, why do you pay respects sir?” “I tell you something Sir.” Ajarn Chai continued. “I don’t have you pay respects for me sir. I’ve been around the world. I put Thai Boxing into the United States. I have plenty of students from Australia, New Zealand, Germany, Canada, Mexico. I don’t have you pay respects for me sir. Who should you do it for sir?” The student stood there, silent. Ajarn answered for him. “You pay respects for you sir.”
That idea has stuck in me ever since. As bass ackwards as it may sound to make people pay for their lessons, to have my students train, not just when they are preparing for a competition but consistently over the long haul. To ask them to be respectful, loyal, honest, disciplined and helpful to each other. It is really for them.
I have seen too many students who’ve been given a deal, who got to train for free or at a great discount. Who we let do their own payment schedule. Guys who were given the keys to the gym. Guys we stayed late for and come early to hold pads and help prepare for a fight. Guys we’d spend whole weekends with traveling and cornering. And they never respected it. They never appreciated it. It was never enough.
Despite all of this, classes weren’t intense enough for them. There weren’t enough other guys who wanted to go hard with them. These people are the same grown adults who have never attempted to move out of their parents home, who’ve never made a house payment, put food on the table or held down a long term job. They’ve been given things all their life and thus have developed an entitlement mindset. They are too busy looking at what they don’t have to see the abundance in front of their faces. Breaking them out of this mindset is the goal of brining these things to their attention.
I know this post is long. And if you’ve taken the time to read this far, it says a lot about you. I want to close by relating a conversation that Coach Kiser and I recently had that really struck a chord with me. I asked him, how we were different than so many of the fighters of today and how we managed to dodge that self centered, self important, “ME” mindset that is so easy to fall into as an aspiring fighter.
His answer was “Gratitude”. He said “When you and I were coming up, there were no MMA gyms. There was a Jiu-jitsu school. Or a Thai Gym. But nothing that had it all. We didn’t have Tap Out, or board shorts or Ultimate Fighter. Heck, I had my mom’s garage on Saturday mornings with two or three of those folding mats and you had your little studio with 8 zebra mats to your name. There were no fight teams. You ran on your own, kicked the heavy bag and shadow boxed until you passed out. And once in a while we could get together and train and we were so grateful for it.”
He continued “When you come from a place of gratitude, how can you do anything but succeed? I mean if you are always grateful for everything you have, then you already have everything.”
We want you to have a meaningful and lasting relationship with your instructors and your team mates. We want you to succeed. We want you to be well liked and respected in your place of study.
Work hard. Have integrity, be loyal, humble and respectful. Be grateful, and you will become one of your gym’s favorites, the gold that does not glitter, the deep rooted strong individual, unadorned by belts, or trophies, accolades or crowns, and yet a king in the eyes of your instructors. There’s no shame at all in being that guy.
It’s been a while since I’ve written a longer, more thoughtful piece like this. To be frank, they are much more time consuming and take a lot more work than the brief posts with a video and a few short paragraphs and I didn’t know if anyone was actually reading them. So I kind of just gave up on it for a while.
Special thanks goes out to Damage Control MMA Member Lisa from New Zealand who commented on my piece “Muay Thai Technique: An Expression of Self” and my student Chris Huntsaker who commented on our “4 Principles That Changed My Grappling Game“. These guys got me back on track and inspired me to try my hand at it again.
Now that you’ve learned how not to be, “That Guy”, you may want to check out our article, “How to Join An MMA Gym” for tips and pointers on equipment and training smart.