Thank God that Josh Barnett only did a couple of the things he threatened to do to
Geronimo dos Santos at Impact FC in Brisbane last night.  Despite his
threats to the contrary, reports from Sherdog’s Jordan Breen – who was cageside for the
event — indicate that Barnett’s short-and-sweet win over dos Santos in
the main event of the upstart Australian promotion went strictly
according to the unified rules. And no, that is not a euphemism.

The former UFC heavyweight champion took his enormo Brazilian
opponent down and achieved full mount twice during the 2 minute, 45
second contest and eventually used a barrage of strikes from behind dos
Santos to force John McCarthy to call the fight. Dos Santos attempted to
protest the stoppage, but reportedly failed the “What
the fuck is your problem?” test with his unsure, rubbery legs.

Fellow UFC castoffs  Karo Parisyan, Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou and Jeff
Monson also recorded wins, while former champion Carlos Newton lost an
ugly fight to Brian Ebersole.

For Parisyan, it was his first win since 2007 and his first
appearance since a public grappling match with drug addiction, injuries
and panic attacks led to his UFC dismissal last year. Parisyan’s bout
was originally supposed to be the “co-main event” of Impact FC, but
Breen reported that the fighter requested to be bumped up to the first
fight of the night in order to relieve the apparent suffering of his
family.

"This was my first fight that I was away from my family, and I knew
they were freaking out at home," Parisyan told Sherdog. "My sister was
at home throwing up. I felt like it would be better for them, and for
me, if I fought first, and I could get it over with so they could stop
worrying."

Uh, sure, nothing weird about that. Parisyan also reportedly did not
look in great shape en route to a second-round submission win over Ben
Mortimer. Baby steps, Karo, baby steps.

Meanwhile, Sokoudjou battered Joaquim "Mamute" Ferreira both on the
feet and on the floor before a stoppage 1:20 into the first round, while
Monson ended a two-fight losing streak by overcoming some initial
struggles with the height and reach of 6-foot-4, 250-pound Ubiratan Lima
Marinho to earn a unanimous decision win.

After weighing-in four pounds over the 170-pound limit, Newton by all
accounts looked thoroughly done as a fighter in the latter stages of
his bout against Ebersole. For much of the final two rounds, Newton
appeared spent and served as a glorified punching bag for Ebersole, who
has now won five in a row.

This was the first of a pair Impact FC shows scheduled just a week
apart. Next Saturday, the promotion will stage a card featuring both Ken
Shamrock and Paulo Filho.

So, you know, nothing could possibly go wrong with that.

Dickey said:

I really don't like Parysian. I don't know a whole lot about him, he's amazing and judo, but in the two interviews i have seen, all he did was make stupid little excuses for what went wrong. Blaming trainers, sparring partners, promoters, etc. One of his little magical excuses was that he wasn't completley focused because his trainer forgot his mouthpiece that morning and he had to get a new one. I don't want to take any personal shots but he seems like he whines a lot. Ben Franklin once said, "He who makes excuses, is seldom good for much else." In this case, he's good at judo and excuses.

That last part seriously cracked me up, lol