Damage Control MMA

If you know me at all, you know that I’m into survival craft… Survivorman style. And

nowhere are survival skills more important than in a post apocalyptic state, over run with Zombies.

While killing a perfectly good Saturday afternoon reading an article about putting together one’s own survival kit, it hit me.

There is a wealth of Zombie related information that I could share with my MMA brothers and sisters to help improve their MMA Games.

Thus, I decided to relate the Zombieland List of Rules to the many hazards that plague the average MMA practitioner and here we are.

Upon doing further research for this article, I found some peculiar facts concerning the “official” Zombieland Rules to Live By. Many of the rules have not yet been made public and some of those that have, appear in or out of order depending upon whether they were mentioned in the actual theatrical release or in official promotional material.

Take for instance rule numbers listed on the official Zombieland website and those featured on this international trailer. I’ve seen so many different lists and rule numbering systems that I’ve about given up. I would go with the rules listed in the US movie release but I don’t remember them exactly and I’m too damn cheap to go watch the movie again.

These discrepancies make for interesting conversation, and have occupied the better part of my days for the last few weeks. But I won’t bore you any longer with my movie trivia nerdomania.

Below are Damage Control MMA’s Zombie Land Rules for MMA Fighters to Live By… And I’m basing my numbering system, LOOSELY, on the list I found on Wikipedia.

You got a problem with that, you can go write up your own Zombie List of Rules to Live by.

Wikipedia’s version of the list:

01. Cardio

Zombie Land Rule 1 for MMA is Cardio^[14]. Once your Cardio goes, one of the first things to happen is your hands drop by your side. Another tell tale sign of spent Cardio is a mouthpiece that’s hanging half way out of your mouth. When this happens… well, you just saw what usually follows.

^{02.Beware of Bathrooms}

Zombie Land Rule 2 for MMA is Beware of bathrooms^[14][15]. I’ll be honest with you, I’ve seen and er smelt things much scarier than Zombies comin out of the public bathroom.

03. Wear seatbelts^[14]

04. Double tap

Zombie Land Rule 4 for MMA is the Double tap^[14]. If you think your partner has had enough and taps out. Making him tap one more time, makes you both 100% sure.

Yeah, you don't want that "attached" to you.

05. No Attachments (I added this based on my research.  For us MMA, Muay Thai and Submission Grappling Practitioners, this usually means, no ringworm, no scabies, MRSA, Mat Herpes… you get the gist.)

06. Cast iron skillet^[9]

07. Travel light

08. Get A Kick Ass Partner (I added this based on the movie poster found here)

You couldn't ask for a better partner than Kiser.

12. Paper Towels

Zombie Land Rule 12 for MMA is Bounty paper towels^[9]. If there is one way to describe a MMA gym, it’s “moist”.

Gomi twists his opponent into a ball of contorted limbs.

15. Bowling ball^[9]

17. (Don’t) Be a hero^[16]

18. Limber up

22. When in doubt, know your way out (see the Damage Control MMA video for rule 2.)

29. The buddy system^[9]

31. Check the back seat^[17]

32. Enjoy the little things^[18]

Mmmmm milkshakes... Little things indeed.

33. Swiss Army knife^[9]

Now I know I didn’t complete the list in terms of relating the various rules to the worlds of MMA, Thai Boxing and Submission Wrestling.  But that’s where you come in.

I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to fit some of these rules into our scheme of things.  But I am sure that our viewers, in all their infinite wisdom will succeed where I have failed.  I welcome your rules, and look forward to reading them in the comments below.

In the mean time.  Prepare yourselves, zombies are coming, they don’t take any prisoners and Big Brother Won’t Save You!

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Ajarn Rex stood in the center of the field of screams as over a hundred and forty dedicated Thai Boxers looked on. Wind moved through the towering pines that surrounded us on all sides, producing the sound of applause.

Pines taller than four story buildings tower over a small clearing known as the field of screams.

As we listened, Ajarn Rex recounted his humble beginnings and expressed his gratitude for Ajarn Chai and how much he has done to promote and spread the art of Muay Thai.

Then he paused and his hands came up to his face as his voice began to waiver. “When I first came to this country, I did everything, everything I could to help Muay Thai.” He said. “Now, I look around and I see all these white guys. We dug a hole and planted a seed. Now that seed has grown and the tree is growing bigger and my dream has come true.”

And as Ajarn Rex said this, I began to think back to the week before. Khuen Khru Will Bernales had just administered a Thai Boxing “Shorts” test and the room was full of eager and excited students. I can remember a time, when it was only a hand full of us, some of us only taking privates. There are really only four of us left since those times, Brandon Kiser, Dillon, Shy Solomon and myself. But now the classes have grown and for the first time, two of my own students were testing for the right to wear their Thai Shorts under my instructor Khuen Khru Will.

It would certainly seem as though the seed has taken root at least here in Salt Lake City, Utah. Growth has been slow but it has been steady. And now, even I can say that many that began are no longer with me. But I can see the future, and there are buds beginning to flower. Muay Thai’s branches are continuing to spread and it’s beauties are being seen by more and more followers.

I watch Khuen Khru Will to see what his impressions are of how the students are doing.

With any luck, even after the father tree has fallen, there will be plentiful, strong and equally as beautiful saplings to carry on the line and the spirit of Muay Thai.

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What can I say really. It is what it is, some out takes and extra footage from a Taking It To The MMAT shoot. We hope you find it entertaining.

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Brandon Kiser, Brian Yamasaki and Ryan Lehner interview random people at the fights.

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